Telephantom Page 11

  “Father,” she called out. “Fire up the Teledeportator. I have an idea of how to find Trevor.”

  Dr. Dickens rose from the couch he’d been sunken into for hours, aimlessly plotting his next invention. He walked to the fridge-looking device and flipped it on. The teledeportator began to rock and groan with chaotic energy.

  “I lost them,” Anita said. “I can’t find them, not even on the island.”

  Electrical arcs sparked all around the base of the teledeportator, climbing their way to the top. Anita was speechless as she watched.

  “Honey,” Dr. Dickens asked hesitantly. “What did you send?”

  “Nothing,” she replied. Skeptical of what was inside, she reached for her soldering gun.

  With a loud bang, the teledeportator came to a halt. Smoke hissed from the inside out as Dr. Dickens pulled open the door. Long legs covered in white thigh-highs met a tight, white nurse’s skirt.

  It was Dr. Beta’s right-hand woman, Ms. Joy.

  Dr. Dickens jumped back, holding his chest in fear. Anita took guard. The Femroid’s eyes held more anger than usual, burning an evil, crimson red. Her stance was stronger now, more poised for fighting. Dr. Beta must have upgraded her femroidness to Flaming Femroid.

  “You can search no further, Ms. Dickens,” Ms. Joy said. “You have reached the end of the line.”

  She threw a punch toward Anita, but it was blocked by Dr. Dickens. Anita could see something strange in her father’s eye in that moment. His hands began to flail wildly while he kicked and slapped Ms. Joy.

  Ms. Joy stepped back, trying to block the erratic swings from the doctor; he fought like a drunk ballerina who’d just gotten her dress ripped. With one wave from the bot’s silicone-paneled arm, she stopped the doctor’s silly antics and slapped him down to the ground. He was out cold.

  “Enough, you flamin’ Femroid!” Anita yelled, looking at her father to make sure he was conscious.

  She threw a screwdriver at Ms. Joy’s face. Ms. Joy caught the flying object with ease, inspecting the projectile carefully before crushing it in her robot hands. She dropped the bent tool to the ground.

  “I used to be good with this kind of tool,” she noted.

  “Oh yeah? Well now you are a tool,” Anita retorted, taking off her coat and pulling down her dress.

  Anita felt free for the first time in her life as she let each one of her tentacle legs stretch out, letting them extend from her waist. She planted four of her eight legs behind her, gripping tightly with her hundreds of suckers on the ground. She raised her four front tentacles, ready to attack. Between her legs was a small slit with a beak-like jaw that snapped furiously in response.

  “You have a beak for a vagina?” Ms. Joy asked. “What kind of upgrade is that?”

  “It’s not an upgrade,” Anita said. “I was turned this way.”

  Ms. Joy stepped back. Anita lunged forward with her tentacles and batted Ms. Joy, and the bot hit the ground hard, digging her nails into the floor to keep from sliding. She looked up in anger, grabbing the bent screwdriver off the ground, and then looked at the doctor still passed out on the floor.

  In an instant, Ms. Joy shot to her feet. She threw the bent screwdriver at Anita and then kick-flipped her face, throwing her across the room. Then she hit the button on the teledeportator machine and picked up Dr. Dickens by the shirt collar, throwing him inside the machine.

  14

  Spaced Out

  Trevor’s body ached from being frozen, drained, and now stripped of his suit. It was as if Dr. Beta had reached into the depths of his soul and sucked out the very life within him; he felt his very essence deteriorating. He was nothing without Anita’s genius, her inventiveness.

  Despite being only in his underwear, he didn’t feel that cold — hell, he was glad to feel something at all. Dr. Beta’s compound was in space now, high above Earth. The numbness was beginning to wear off, and Trevor cocked his head downward, getting a full view of his monster heroic body. His penis was still tucked in — Thank god, he thought. But what truly astonished him was how magnificent he looked in his underwear.

  He recalled the jocks that had sent him on this monster journey — slamming him into that teledeportator machine and setting MolecuLab on fire. He didn’t blame them. Maybe this was the way it was supposed to happen. Maybe he had been the Telephantom all along.

  His head was angled better now, and he saw his new, shiny, tin-foil-like suit at the base of the Teledeportator — er, Molecutron, or whatever these damn doctors liked to call it. He tried to move his body, an expression of confidence painted on his face.

  ZZZAAAAAP!

  Another draining surged through his body, and Trevor felt like a flat, limp noodle. The door to the teledeportator below him hissed as it opened, barreling out steam. A short man in a white coat came out, rubbing his head in confusion; Trevor immediately recognized the dyslexic Dr. Dickens.

  “Perfect timing… my old colleague,” Dr. Beta said from the shadows that Trevor could not see. “We shall complete the work we started.”

  “It’s not our work, Beta,” Dr. Dickens said, looking around the room in astonishment. “This was all on you. I am looking for answers, not chaos.”

  Trevor could feel his neck loosening a bit from the numbness, and he angled his head in the direction of the speakers.

  Dr. Beta had emerged from the shadows. He was wearing an astronaut suit and holding a shiny gold helmet under one arm. He pursed his lips and his scaly face shimmered with iridescence.

  Trevor could now see Lavarkmird hiding in the shadows just to the left, holding Cosma in his jaws. She laid limp in his mouth but was watching the scene play out.

  “Genetics, robotics, and Quantum mechanics?” Dr. Beta asked, walking closer to Dickens. “All thanks to you. Because of your screw-ups and backward thinking, you gave me access. Hook, line and sinker.”

  Trevor chuckled at the irony of his comment. Everyone seemed to have heard him, because they turned around. Dickens had a sad look on his face when he saw Trevor, and Beta smiled in accomplishment.

  “Trevor,” Dr. Dickens pleaded. “Anita needs our help. That nurse robot thingy is attacking her.”

  “Ah, yes, Ms. Joy. Trevor knows her all too well. I was there in the bushes when she helped him get back to your manor. Now look at your poor Telephantom,” Dr. Beta taunted. “Too weak to help anyone.”

  Rage swelled inside Trevor, manifesting into a surging of energy inside his body that built to a marvelous crescendo. He straightened his arm and cocked it toward Cosma. Slowly, he raised his thumb and extended his index finger.

  “Oh look, he’s trying to make a move,” Dr. Beta said, amused. “How charming…”

  Trevor gritted his teeth and focused all of his energy to the tip of his finger. Glowing swirls of light built up, layer after layer, and without hesitation, he let it all go.

  BOOM!

  A single charge barreled through the air, hitting Lavarkmird square between the eyes. He dropped Cosma, and she hit the ground softly, landing on the palms of her feet. She dashed to Dr. Beta and made a quick sweep with her leg, throwing him to the ground. Then she grabbed the WIMP gun that fell out of his grasp and helped Dr. Dickens up.

  Trevor was inspired by her cunning. She was a true warrior inside and out, and he felt honored to fight by her side. He kicked his leg out, breaking through the numbness. He then broke his arm free. Before he knew it, he was falling down to the floor, landing next to the teledeportator. He picked up his suit and quickly nestled into it.

  RAWWWRRRR!

  Trevor heard Lavarkmird from the back of the room. He needed to hurry if they had any chance at all. Thunderous stomps ensued, shaking the compound as the shark beast approached. Cosma took aim with the WIMP gun while Trevor opened the teledeportator door.

  “Quick, get inside and help Anita. The machine’s ready,” he said.

  Dr. Dickens stepped inside, and Trevor closed the door. With a bolt of energy from his core, he powered t
he machine, sending Dickens home. But he needed Cosma there to help, otherwise Anita would be on her own to take on Ms. Joy.

  Trevor reset the machine and pushed Cosma inside, closing the door just as a set of jaws dug into his side. The pain shot to his brain, and he clenched his teeth in agony. He extended his hand with all his might, fighting against the beastly bite, trying to reach the lever.

  Trevor felt like his body was changing. Growing larger. He saw the bones in his hands appear and darken in density. Now he was Lavarkmird’s size again.

  CLINK

  The machine fired up, and Trevor funneled all of his energy into it. A swirl of energy sent the doctor home, and Lavarkmird to the ground in a fiery burst. Trevor flexed his physique like the monster hero he was.

  Lavarkmird tried to get up, wiggling his small chicken wing arms and bracing his large shark nose against the ground to push himself up.

  Trevor laughed hysterically. “You know, I just can’t get over the sight of that,” he said.

  He looked for Dr. Beta, but he was nowhere to be found. Lavarkmird was now fully erect in his stance, walking slowly his way.

  “You know,” Lavarkmird said in a deep, eloquent voice. “I don’t even know why we are fighting. I mean, you seem like a really nice guy.”

  Trevor was taken aback, hearing the compliment. He looked around the room to see who was playing the joke on him, but it was just he and the beast. Trevor stepped toward Lavarkmird cautiously, processing what he said.

  “Why can’t we let bygones be bygones?” Lavarkmird continued, extending out a featherless chicken wing appendage.

  Trevor nodded in agreement, “So, you don’t want to kill me?”

  “Nah,” Lavarkmird said. “Let’s go grab a beer.”

  Trevor tugged on the tiny wing that wiggled even more in excitement. Like a nub on a hairless dog’s ass, it felt weird. He then kicked Lavarkmird hard in the nuts.

  Lavarkmird looked down, not feeling a thing, and then roared loudly in disappointment.

  THUNK!

  The back of Trevor’s head swelled in pain. He turned around to see Dr. Beta, smiling and holding a large pipe. Lavarkmird grabbed Trevor from behind and gripped him tight in his mouth, each serrated tooth digging into Trevor’s blue, gelatinous skin.

  “You tricked me!” Trevor said. “We were supposed to get beers.”

  “Of course you fell for the oldest fish in the brook,” Dr. Beta said, “Hook, line and sinker.”

  Ms. Joy shut the teledeportator door and flipped the switch, sending Dr. Dickens through. She prepped the machine again and waited for the reset.

  Anita came to, extending all of her tentacles to grab onto things and pick herself up. Her vision was foggy after that kick to the head. How did that Femroid learn how to kick-flip? She shook off the pain. Just ahead was Ms. Joy, awaiting her to turn to teledeport.

  Anita flung herself toward Ms. Joy with all her might. She hit her hard and wrapped her up with all of her tentacles. Ms. Joy tried to fight back, but was overwhelmed by the slithering tentacles Anita controlled with ease. They continued to roll until Ms. Joy was able to get Anita next to the teledeportator door. It hissed with steam, and Anita was caught off guard by the activation.

  WHAAM!

  The door swung open and hit Anita in the head. Ms. Joy broke from the tight hold and crawled her way out of the tentacle trap. Cosma scanned the situation and smiled at Anita, who was still rubbing her head.

  “Hey there, beautiful,” Cosma said, holding the WIMP gun. “Aim for the soft spot.”

  Cosma tossed her the gun and closed the teledeportator door shut, leaving it ready for Dr. Dickens and, hopefully, Trevor to teledeport back. Anita caught the gun with ease as the machine buzzed with energy, and steam hissed from it again. Dr. Dickens stepped out with a pointed look, encouraging his daughter to shoot the Femroid that had caused them so much trouble.

  Anita held the WIMP gun with one tentacle, gripping it securely with her arm’s bottom suckers. Ms. Joy’s eyes widened as Anita raised the gun and took aim at her nether regions.

  BOOM!

  The shot hit Ms. Joy and ricocheted off her hand, hitting the teledeportator. The energy blasted all around the room like a chaotic ping-pong ball until it hit Ms. Joy where it counted. She fell to the ground laughing hysterically. Her laughs then turned to moans as she grabbed her crotch in ecstasy. The crying wasn’t far behind, and that’s when the evil red disappeared from Ms. Joy’s eyes.

  Cosma walked to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You are back now, my love.”

  Ms. Joy smiled and hugged Cosma with tears in her eyes.

  Anita smiled at the two in joy and looked to her father for approval, but his attention was fixed on the teledeportator machine and the panel mechanism on the front.

  Black smoke wafted from the destroyed panel, and Anita could smell the burning plastic and metal that the hit from the WIMP gun had caused.

  “Is it destroyed?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Dr. Dickens said. “The main capacitor is fried.”

  Cosma went over to study the destruction. “How will we get him back?”

  Anita thought for a minute and beamed when the solution hit her. “I can see if I can track his suit.” She ran to the computer console, typing fast into the command terminal.

  “Damn,” Cosma said, eyeing the broken teledeportator.

  A prompt came up, pinpointing a fixed location just above Earth, increasing in distance.

  “I found him!” Anita said. “Why is he above Earth?”

  Cosma cringed. “Oh, about that. Dr. Beta used Trevor’s powers to rip his lair off the planet and take it to space.”

  Anita’s mouth was agape in astonishment.

  “How do you plan to get him back?” Cosma asked again.

  Anita paused searching for an answer.

  Trevor felt the teeth of Lavarkmird squeeze him harder. He watched the demonic Dr. Beta smile in triumph as he walked to the window, watching the stars shine against the bleak blackness of space. Trevor felt defeat fall over him as Dr. Beta carried on.

  “You see,” Dr. Beta said, clasping his hands behind him as he marveled at the beauty of the universe. “Resistance is futile against Lavarkmird. We are on the way to the moon; not even the frozen depths of space can stop me.”

  An idea lit up in Trevor’s mind. Frozen depths. He closed his eyes and mustered what energy he had left inside him. His blue skin began to glow, and his skeleton was showing again. Blinding light filled the room, and Dr. Beta took guard.

  ZAAAP!

  Trevor opened his eyes. His body felt light, and he knew exactly where he was. Just ahead, he could see the floating island on its journey to the moon. Just behind him, Lavarkmird floated, his eyes, mouth, and tiny chicken wing arms frozen still and slowly drifting in space.

  Trevor uttered, “Now that’s what I call frozen seafood.”

  He turned his attention back to the floating island. His body was stiffening from the extreme cold, and his suit was hanging half off his body from being ripped in Lavarkmird’s mouth. The suit beeped like something was trying to alert him. Trevor looked at the Earth and then back, and noticed something was different. Like he was stronger without it. There’s one person left to stop, and he is on that island.

  He unhitched the rest of the suit and let it drift off into the ever existence of space. Now he was only in his black shorts, with every muscle of his blue monster physique bulging — his penis still contained. He flexed and his body lit up, showing his bones within, and teledeported back to the floating island.

  Once again in the floating island lair of Dr. Beta, Trevor crept through the long hallways to intercept the doctor. Just ahead, he saw a group of Fantom Femroids marching their way down the hall. He looked at the wall, considering integration, but stopped himself. He had to face the enemy head-on, or he would never learn.

  He stood there gallantly, charging each of his hands with glowing energy. When one of the Fantom Femroids
noticed him, the rest of the group immediately took suit and absorbed the concrete around them, pulling chunks from the floors and walls.

  Trevor pushed both of his hands out and gushed a burst of energy he had never felt before. The Fantom Femroids disintegrated before him, and his body picked up their residual energy — getting stronger.

  Trevor smiled. “How about that.”

  CLINK CLINK CLINK

  Sounds echoed from just down the hall. Dr. Beta was there, but what was he doing? Trevor ran to the end of the hall, which opened to the center control room. A massive creature was dressed in a large mechanical suit adorned with pipes and cables that connected to the console before him.

  “Hey, Dr. Cod?” Trevor yelled out.

  The creature turned around, and Dr. Beta was smiling from behind a thick acrylic window. His body seemed small compared to the suit he was controlling with tiny joysticks. The giant exo-arms were large and seemed to hold an array of devices on each limb. He took a step, making sure not to rip the umbilical cord that was connecting him to the console.

  “Oh, wow,” Trevor said, “Just when I think you can’t outdo yourself. Why do you insist on this robot-fish-fetish theme?”

  “Enough with your juvenile demeanor,” Dr. Beta said, his voice distorted by the intercom he was speaking through. “Your arrogance has paid off; I see you have a better grasp of yourself than I thought.”

  “You do realize I don’t understand much of what you say,” Trevor said, dumbfounded, as he shot telerays from his hands.

  Dr. Beta reacted quickly and raised his mechanical exo-arm, sucking in the rays with a vacuum-like tube.

  “Just what I needed.” Dr. Beta said, slamming his arm into the console and sending the rays into the machine. The initiation process started, and Trevor could see teledeportators on the screen starting to erupt lava all over the world. “I will suck you dry,” Dr. Beta promised.

  “Hey, you said enough with the dick jokes,” Trevor said slyly.